


I Love You, Eddie

by eddiemylove



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 14:34:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14334546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eddiemylove/pseuds/eddiemylove
Summary: Aftermath of our precious Eddie's death from Richie's P.O.V.Angst, a lot of angst, with not a very happy ending. I'm sorry.





	I Love You, Eddie

Richie gripped onto Bev’s hand for dear life. He watched as the coffin ~~_as Eds_~~ was lowered into the ground. He stood as all the other Loser’s made their speeches. They were the only ones there. Bev whispered to him, asking if he wanted to say anything. Richie shook his head silently. For the first time in his life, words would not come. The other Losers left, one by one, until it was just Richie by the grave. He knelt next to it, fingers brushing the plaque.  
_Edward Kaspbrak_  
_September 3, 1946 - May 31, 1985_

 _‘Don’t call me Eds. You know I... I...’_  
‘I know, Eddie, I know.’  
Richie stood, silent tears slipping down his cheeks, falling on to Eddie’s grave, soaking onto the fresh soil. Richie turned and walked away, feet taking him somewhere, anywhere. Before he knew it he was at the Kaspbraks old house. Richie turned the handle on the door, not knowing what he was doing or really why he was doing it. He stepped inside. Everything was the same. Couch facing the TV, place a mess. The only thing different was the absence of Eddie and Mrs K. Neither of them were there, neither of them would ever be there ever again. Richie walked up the stairs to Eddie’s room. The window was open. The last time he’d seen this window open had been the day before Richie left Derry forever- the last time he saw-

 _July 26th, 1960_  
-Eddie opened the window and Richie climbed through- like he had so hundreds and hundreds of times before.  
‘Eds!’  
‘Hey, Rich.’  
All was silent as Eddie sat down on his bed, and Richie stood up, not sure what to do, where to go.  
‘You’re leaving tomorrow.’  
‘I am.’  
‘But I’ll see you again?’ Eddie said hopefully, looking up at Richie.  
‘Of course, Eddie Spaghetti. I’d never forget my best friend! I’ll visit heaps, and when you turn 18 you can come out to California with me.’  
‘Ok, Richie.’ but he hadn’t looked sure.  
‘Eddie. Eds.’ Richie said, sitting beside Eddie, and grabbing his hand.  
‘Don’t call me that.’ Eddie said automatically. Richie grinned.  
‘I could never forget you- I swear.’

 _June 1st, 1985_  
But he had. Richie had forgotten Eddie, and all the rest of them. He’d called Eddie once- Cali is great, Eds, you’ll love it here- but he’d forgotten him by the next week. Derry had become a distant past. Richie closed the window and latched it shut. He locked the door to the Kaspbrak house and made his way down the street, dawdling with nowhere to go. He had no sense of where he was, what time it was, where he needed to go. All he could think of was Eddie. Eddie, the bravest of them all. Eddie, who didn’t deserve to die. Eddie. Eds. Eds. Eds. Eds. Eds. Eds. Eds-

A hand slipped into his own, and Richie turned to see no other than Edward Kaspbrak himself.  
‘Eddie?’  
There was no response coming from the figure. A voice in Richie’s brain told him it was only a mirage, but Richie wasn’t going to give up on what slim chance there was that Eddie was really next to him.  
‘Eddie- Eddie- Eds.’  
Eddie looked at Richie then, and their eyes locked. Eddie smiled that smile- the one that had haunted Richie for years, the one Richie, and only Richie, could make appear.  
‘I swear to god, Eds, if I’m talking to myself in the middle of the street and this isn’t real- I love you, Eds, I love you, I love you, I love you.’ he stopped then to look at Eddie, who stood up on tip-toes- he always was short- and kissed Richie on the cheek. Richie couldn’t breathe. Eddie couldn’t breathe. That’s why I kept a spare aspirator for him.

‘I love you, Eddie, and I swear to you that this time, I won’t forget.’

He turned to look at Eddie- but he was gone.

Again.

The realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. Eddie was gone. Richie was never going to see him again.

Richie let out a choked sound- a mess of vocal chords, a half-sob, and then he broke. He fell to his knees, screaming, because _Eddie was dead and he was never going to see him again and he loved Eddie he was in fucking love but Eddie was dead and what the fuck was he going to do without Eds how would he ever do anything without Eds_ and Richie was screaming, crying , yelling for what seemed like an eternity.  
He ran out of tears, eventually, and let out ragged cries.

He might have stayed like that forever if Bev hadn’t found him. Richie wasn’t even aware of her presence until she had been shaking him for at least 5 minutes.  
‘Richie- oh god, Rich-’  
Richie collapsed into her, his screams having since turned into silent tears. Bev held him as he cried, and he could tell she was crying too. They stayed like that for a long time- a long time, until Richie finally spoke.  
‘He’s gone, Bevvie.’  
‘I know. I know, god, I know, Richie.’  
‘What if we forget?’ Whispered Richie.  
‘I- I honestly don’t know. Mike doesn’t think we will.’  
‘I can’t. I can’t forget him again. There’s got to be someone- someone for him to live on through. He- he deserves at least that. God he deserves so m-much more.’  
‘I know.’  
‘I’m sorry, Bev.’  
‘There’s nothing- Richie, you shouldn’t be apologizing for mourning your best friend.’  
‘I loved him- Bev, I love him.’  
‘He loved you too, Rich. You could see it. There was us, the Losers Club, and we all loved each other- and then there was- there was you and Eddie. You guys had something none of the rest of us had.’  
‘How will I manage without him, Bev?’  
‘You’ll do it. You’re resilient. You’ll find a way, Richie, I know you will.’  
RIchie leaned his head on her shoulder, and she put her arm around him. They’d always been close- until they hadn’t, until they’d forgotten each other even existed.

 _September 3rd, 1985_  
Richie hadn’t forgotten. He’d thanked every spirit he could think of that they’d all remembered and kept in contact. They all spoke regularly- Mike was still in Derry, Bill and Audra were doing well, and Ben and Bev going strong. Richie had been living his life as best he could, as normally as he knew.

But today was Eddie’s birthday.

Richie had woken up crying. He couldn’t remember the dream he’d had, but as soon as he checked the date his heart plummeted.  
‘Happy Birthday, Eds.’ he whispered to himself, just as the phone rang. Richie jumped.  
‘Toooooozier residence,’ he said, trying to be normal, ‘How may I help you?’  
‘Hey, Richie.’  
‘Ol’ Mike! Has the bastard come back?’  
‘No, Richie- you know why I called.’  
‘Yeah. Eddie’s birthday.’  
‘Yeah. I put flowers on his grave this morning. 5 of them- one from each of us.’  
‘Thank you.’ Richie whispered, blinking back the tears he willed not to come.  
‘How are you holding up?’  
‘Got a promotion. Life’s not crap. Missing Eds more and more every day. The usual. You?’  
‘No good news, no bad news.’  
‘Same, then.’  
‘Yeah. Well, Richie, if you need anything you know where to call me.’  
‘Thank you.’ Richie repeated, and he hung up. The phone rang, almost immediately. It was Bev, telling him the same thing- If you need me, Rich, I’m right here.  
He got a call from Bill later in the day, and from Ben in the evening.  
‘Thanks Ben, appreciate it.’  
Richie hung up the phone (again) and walked into his room, daring to pick up a box he’d been to scared to even look at. Inside lay Eddie’s spare aspirator from all those years ago, something Richie had kept with him even when he had forgotten, something he kept with him wherever he moved or travelled.

He clutched it to his chest and finally allowed the tears to spill.  
‘I love you, Eds.’

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked my first fic- I'm so sorry. I have happy ones on the way, though, so add my tumblr (eddie-my-love) if you want to know when those are out. Thank you for reading <3  
> -Iz


End file.
